The Most animated of All Difficult Conversations

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Is that an Elephant in the Room?

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Raising an undiscussable issue in a team has to be the extreme challenge in the league of difficult conversations. One of the most problematic undiscussable issues in a team is someone else person's behaviour, style or competence and more often than not it's the leaders behaviours or style that is often undiscussable. Like most other difficult conversations, the risk of Not raising this issue can be detrimental to a team's performance and in some cases a far reaching consequences  - as this next story illustrates.

On January 13, 1982 a plane travelling in the middle of Washington and Virginia crashed into a bridge. Of the 79 passengers and flight crew on board only five survived. The crash was view to be as a effect of pilot error, it was only when they recovered the black box that they discovered the real reason. It was an incredibly cold day that day and the plane stood for too long on the runway allowing hazardous levels of ice to build up on the wings. The co-pilot it seems had grave concerns about this and could be overheard making indirect remarks on the voice recorder implying that this could be a problem. That night he and 73 others lost their lives in an urgency that could have been prevented had he had the skills and the courage to express his concerns in no uncertain terms to his boss.

Undiscussables - valuable for decision making

Undiscussable issues are often the topic of conversation colse to most water coolers. Gossip perpetuates team dysfunctionality and creates cultural artifacts in the organisation; 'this is just the way we do things colse to here'. In a time when there is no margin for error when it comes to making firm valuable decisions, having all the relevant information to hand is vital - and that includes information you might not want to hear.

How to turn an Undiscussable into a Discussable

If you are in fee of the team there are three things you can do to bring the elephants into the room;

1. Start to create an environment that promotes disclosure - ask your team what would need to happen to create such an environment. Barriers to disclosure often contain the fear of reprisals; 'if I raise this it will be a vocation limiting move' or powerlessness; 'what's the point of raising this nothing will get done'. You'll need to break down these barriers and your team will need reassurance that you will take action and that there won't be repercussions.

2. Model transparency and openness yourself - start talking about your aspirations for your team and the concerns you have about the welfare and performance of the team if there are issues members feel they can't discuss. Write back that every team has issues that are undiscussable, it's general and natural to expect but also justify that extremely effective teams have the capacity to talk about the things that matter most.

3. Act consistently with the values and principles you espouse - acting inconsistently will only cut the levels of trust in the team and invite additional barriers to discussing the elephant. If you say one thing then don't do the other, you will lose credibility and trust of the team reducing the chances they'll be open with you.

High performing teams operate in transparent and open environments where concerns about behaviour, performance and style can be raised - even the behaviour of the leader.

If you want learn more about difficult conversations and the strategies and techniques that will ensure you stay on top in a difficult conversation then visit my website and sign up to receive your free copy of my Difficult Conversations eBook.

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